Push and Pull
by EMlit88
Summary: She asks him to stay. He tells her to leave. One of these days, one will have to give in...Right? Spoilers up to The Dinner Party 2x15. Now rated M for chapter 4.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Push and Pull

Summary: She asks him to stay. He tells her to leave. One of these days, one will have to give in. Damon/Elena one-shot. Major spoilers up to The Dinner Party 2x15.

Rating: T, for sexual situations and very mild language

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.

A/N: I had started this last week, and of course, the latest episode of TVD sent it into a tailspin. Major spoilers up to 2x15 – don't read if you don't want to know. Some of the things are my own take on what could happen and I'm taking some liberties with some events in the episode, but I'm slapping on a spoiler warning for the second part of this fic just in case.

* * *

They can't save everyone. People inevitably get caught in the crossfire.

When he visits Elena's bedroom the night Klaus makes his first appearance, he wants to hold her forever and tell her everything will be okay. She's sitting cross-legged on her bed, wearing a pair of old, grey sweatpants and a raggedy t-shirt with holes on the sleeves. Her black makeup stains her cheeks and her hair is now a disheveled mess. He's never seen anything so beautifully fragile in his life.

"Matt's gone," she sniffs, in a voice that could break him – anyone – in two. She doesn't bother to look up. Only one person – or vampire rather – uses her window this late at night.

"I know." He takes a seat next to her, but he doesn't know what to do.

"Out of everyone, I thought he was the one we could protect. He didn't deserve to die," she says softly. He keeps his hands on his lap and watches for her next move.

She tilts her head towards his shoulders and breathes deeply. He throws her glances every so often as she looks straight in front of her, void of emotion. They stay like this for several minutes until she reaches for his hand. He gives her a reassuring squeeze.

When she finally breaks and starts crying openly, he sits there and holds her, cradling her in his arms and brushing her hair with his fingers. He doesn't say anything because he doesn't like lying to her. He honestly cannot tell her that everything will be okay.

After an hour of letting everything out, she turns to face him, and he gives her a small smile. When she lifts her head slightly and presses her hand against his chest, his smile disappears and his body stiffens at the intimate gesture. "Stay," she says, her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper. Her eyes are darker and more lucid, and for a split second, Katherine's image flashes in his mind. But he thinks it's probably all in his head – Elena's the most naive person he's ever met.

He thinks he can feel his unbeating heart leap out of his ribcage when she smiles at him. But his mind and body and somehow resuscitated soul are all wrestling for supremacy. So when his mouth parts, he can feel the words escape his lips before his body can betray him and his soul can stop him.

"I'm sorry," he stumbles, "You know I can't." He doesn't want to hurt her, but if he doesn't leave, he'll end up hurting the both of them even more. His mind is taking over - his common sense is taking over. He looks into her big, shiny eyes, and he can hear her glass heart breaking into pieces. He looks away.

"I can't control myself around you," he says quietly, as if it explains everything. He gets off the bed and away from her warm body. He needs to get out of there.

She just nods numbly at no one in particular, and he leaves her in her own pool of tears and ruined makeup.

* * *

They don't mention that night. They've seen each other at their most vulnerable states, and neither wants to particularly dwell on it. They have more to worry about than breakdowns and whatnot.

And for him at least, that includes Elena's safety.

He opens the door and finds Elena in a corner, sitting on the dirty floor, with her head in her hands. She looks up, and her confusion quickly turns into rage. She immediately gets up, and tries to shove him backwards as hard as she can. He doesn't budge.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she yells.

"What the hell is wrong with me? Do you want to get yourself killed?"

"Did you have to lock me up in a shed? Where am I?" she demands.

"Well, I thought of kidnapping you and boarding you onto a flight out of the country for today but everything seemed to be booked." He rolls his eyes and moves aside. She walks past him and exits out the shed. She looks around and the only thing she notices is Damon's car and nothing else. The place is deserted; not even trees dot the landscape.

"Where am I, Damon?" she repeats again.

"A few miles out of town…A friend's place," he replies simply.

"A witch?"

"Of course."

"You should have told me before you stuffed me into a trunk and threw me in this place!" she fumes.

"I didn't _throw_ you in, and besides, desperate times call for desperate measures. I vaguely recall a time when you tried to scratch my eyes out when I tried to put you in the backseat."

"Why did you take me here?"

"Your suicidal tendencies are _really_ becoming a pain in my ass."

"What the hell are you talking about? I was in my own house!"

"Klaus was about five feet away from waltzing right in and taking you to your deathbed. You were a sitting duck." She sees the look of worry and devastation etched all over his features, and she softens immediately.

"Damon…" she begins.

"You have to leave," he interrupts suddenly. She looks up questioningly.

"What?"

"You need to leave," he repeats, more forcefully.

"Isn't that what your car is for? There's nothing here…" She gestures wildly at the barren, yellow grass around her.

"That's not –" he starts, "You need to leave Mystic Falls…just until this thing is over. Klaus doesn't know where you are right now. Jonas is somehow nullifying the locator spell for you right now."

"Are you crazy? Leave you guys to die? Nuh-uh. No way." She crosses her hands over her chest.

"We just have to get in, stab him with some white ash wood, and get out. We got rid of Elijah by using our brains; we can trick Klaus, too. And now that Jonas and Katherine are on our side, we have the power to defeat him. He won't know what hit them."

"You make it sound easy," she says skeptically. He shrugs and opens the passenger door for her.

"Hello. Goodbye. It's the basic plot to every life story." She pauses and turns back to face him before stepping in.

"Are you coming with me?" There's a yearning inside of him that wants to say yes, that it would just be like Atlanta. But he doesn't.

"No," he says, "I need to stay to make sure everything goes according to plan. We need all the vampires we can get."

"Then I'm not going." She stares him straight in the eyes defiantly.

"You need to leave."

"No."

"Elena…" he warns.

"No, Damon. You can't make me go," she stands her ground.

"Are you sure about that? I'm stronger and faster than you, and I have the keys to the car," he points out. She scowls and changes her approach. She stares at him with her big, brown eyes and touches his arms.

"Damon," she breathes, "You _know_ I need to stay." She doesn't like using him, but she'd do it again in a heartbeat if it meant losing him.

"I fucking hate you," he hisses. She pulls away, and the tension is gone but the heat is still there.

"I would've found a way to get back anyway."

"Fine," he gives up.

They don't speak for the rest of the ride back.

* * *

She bursts into the boarding house that same night, and immediately sees Damon in front of the fireplace, glass in hand and smirk already in place.

"What is this I hear about me not going to fight Klaus with you guys?"

"Change of plans," he announces, getting up to meet her.

"What do you mean change of plans?" she demands.

"Well, see we thought it would be better if all the supernatural beings handle Klaus. Me? Supernatural," he says, pointing at himself. He proceeds to point his finger in her direction, "You? Human. Ergo, you stay where Jonas puts you."

"What? That's not fair! Klaus wants _me_."

"Sorry, Elena. You don't get a say in this. We all decided it was for the best."

"Who? When?" she interrogates.

"_Everyone_. After Klaus almost kidnapped you this morning, we can't leave you out in the open. We don't know what he can do, the extent of his powers really. It's better if you're not there to witness it." Elena stops to think about what to say and looks at him briefly, before staring into the fire.

"I already lost Matt…" she starts quietly, "And I know that you probably don't care about him, but I can't just stand around watching everyone get die." She blinks back her emotions and looks to Damon again. "I have to go with you guys when you fight Klaus," she says decisively.

"If you know what's best for you, you'll shut up and do what I say," he replies, unfazed by her vulnerable eyes this time.

"If you know what's best for you, you'll stop treating me like I'm a child," she raises her voice, clearly not happy with his response.

"Oh, Elena. If your age is any indication, you _are_ a child." He rolls his eyes, and the atmosphere has changed in an instant.

"Well, if age is any indication, I should be pushing you around in a wheelchair then," she retorts.

"Can you help me get dressed and take a bath, too? These old joints and muscles just don't work like they used to," he smirks. The comment is out of nowhere, and she knows he's trying to make her falter on purpose. She purses her lips together and ignores his comment.

"I'm not a child. I don't need you – or anyone – assuming that I can't defend myself. You can't tell me to hide in a corner."

"I'm not telling you to hide in a corner. I'm telling you to let us fight the war."

"That's the same damn thing!"

"Don't try to be the hero…and don't you even think about offering yourself to an Original again." He pokes her shoulder and digs his nails into her, effectively pushing her back against the wall.

"You don't have to worry about offering myself to Klaus. But I can't promise you I won't jump in to save everyone, and there's _absolutely_ no leeway on that issue," she says firmly, clenching her teeth and pushing his own shoulders in response. Even though he barely moves, Elena's rising anger spreads to him, and the veins underneath his eyes pop out before he can stop them.

"You need to stop right now, before I do something we'll both regret," he hisses. He's inches away from her, and she can tell he's holding back his rage.

"You need to let me go with you," she replies angrily, stomping her feet and not giving in. She lays a hand on his shoulder to push him backwards again, and he lets out a low growl. He doesn't like it one bit, but she doesn't move her hand away.

"You need to stay where we tell you to, when we tell you to," he snaps back.

"No." When she goes to cross her arms over her chest, she intentionally nudges her hands into his chest.

"Well then, it seems we have a problem."

"It seems that way."

The tension is palpable. Silence fills the house, and their defiant eyes and stubborn minds engage in a battle that neither will win. Neither of them moves to escape the labored, hot breaths or the heat radiating out of their bodies, their cores below their waists.

When he crashes his lips on hers and pushes her down onto the floor, they know it's out of anger. But when she tugs and pulls on his shirt, they know that's out of desperation.

It's quick. Within seconds, all articles of clothing are stripped and their warm, naked bodies arch into each other, searching for a release, as pure need and desire overtake their bodies.

The passion and fire building up the last couple of days are evident; little touches and strokes are enough to send them into overdrive.

When he pounds into her over and over again, groaning her name, he's trying to convince her to see it his way. When she screams out his name when he hits her right _there_, she's repeatedly yelling in reply _no_. In one final round of thrusts, they climax together, riding a wave of anger and lust and holding on to the little sanity they have left. And in as fast as it began, it's over. He rolls off her body and lies next to her on the cold hardwood floor, while she catches her breath. The anger is gone, but the desperation is still there.

He doesn't look at her when the realization of what she's done sinks in. Her eyes widen in alarm and regret, and he keeps his mouth shut as she curses at him, herself and the entire world. Tears burn her eyes and she bolts upright, as the full weight of what she has just done consumes her. She scrambles to find her clothes and her fingers tremble as she fidgets with the adjustable straps of her bra. She practically trips over herself hurrying to the door. As he hears the front door slam, he continues to stare at the ceiling above him, naked and alone on the parlor's floor.

He doesn't even care if Klaus kills him tomorrow; Elena just stabbed him in the heart tonight.

* * *

A/N2: I never imagined Stefan and Elena actually together in this fic, but you can interpret the ending as you wish – cheating on Stefan or just distraught at the notion of sleeping with Stefan's brother. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated! I'm thinking of continuing this one...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So, I've decided to continue this. I have most of the first several chapters planned out, so hopefully the updates for those will be fairly regular.

I don't really know the specifics regarding the last few episodes before the hiatus, so Klaus' arrival is completely out of my ass. Sorry; I'm being purposely vague at that part for a reason ;)

And thank you to everyone who reviewed/alerted/favorited! You guys are awesome!

* * *

They defeat Klaus.

Damon's grudgingly going to admit that Bonnie may not be so bad after all. She's a tiny, manipulative bitch of a witch to him, but at least she can pull a rabbit out of her ass and conjure up a spell, albeit with the help of hundreds of other dead witches, for the sake of Elena.

He'll also admit that Caroline is a force to be reckoned with. After Matt's death, she's so completely livid that she kind of turns him on. Too bad she's turned back to her annoying little ways after she had attacked Klaus with the rest of the vampire troupe. He and Stefan had healed in a couple of days and Katherine had skipped town (No surprise there).

And of course, Elena and her family are safe.

Basically, everything is rainbows and lollipops.

Except for the fact that Damon hasn't seen Elena in days. They haven't talked since that night, since the plan was already set in motion. He's not sure if he'll ever see her, given her really good skills in avoiding people, including vampires. Every time he gets close, she starts talking to her friends or just happens to exit out a random side door. He thinks he knows every emergency exit in town now. It's like she has a sixth sense of when a vampire is about to approach her…which would be a great thing under normal circumstances, but it's not exactly great for him right now.

He eventually decides to just give her some space a few days later. He thinks she just needs some time to process everything, accept what happened and hopefully, come to the realization that it happened because they were better together. Yeah, he knows it's sappy and he knows it's probably just wishful thinking, but that doesn't mean it won't happen. He's actually rather fond of living in his own fantasy world.

That is, until Stefan decides to have a heart-to-heart with him one morning. He's sitting at the counter, a glass of blood in hand.

"Elena and I have decided to get back together," he announces, walking in the kitchen. There's no hemming or hawing, and Damon's actually speechless for a minute. That's not something he expects over breakfast at least.

"So don't be surprised if she starts coming over here again," Stefan continues.

"When did this happen?" Damon makes a face. He hadn't been spying on Elena per say, but he was still keeping track of her. He had never once seen her canoodling with Stefan. Hell, he had never heard her even talk about Stefan with Caroline or Bonnie.

"The day after Klaus came. Well, that night I guess. It was really late." And now he knows why. Elena must've been guilt-ridden and ran back to Stefan after their tryst. Figures.

"She say why?" He goes to the liquor cabinet to grab a bottle of whiskey and pour himself a drink. He thinks he'll need one…or several.

"She said she realized that I was important to her and she didn't want to lose me." He has that stupid, goofy grin on his face. "I didn't want to tell you until I was positive everyone was safe and everything was back to normal," he explains.

"Huh. Well, congratulations," Damon says emotionless.

"I guess, you must've expected as much," Stefan shrugs, "I mean with everything that was going on, it makes sense she came to that realization. So you're okay with this, right?"

"Of course," he lies, "Why wouldn't I be?" Damon watches Stefan smile unsurely and leave, before downing the entire contents of his glass, the warm, burning sensation flowing down his throat. He pours himself another one, and he's already reaching for another bottle before the first one is even empty.

* * *

She's in Stefan's room when he comes back to the boarding house one night. He hates the fact that now they've been together in the most intimate way, he can smell her and know if she's near. It used to be just his sensitive hearing that would determine _anyone's _presence, but now it was her fruity lip gloss and her fucking vanilla body wash, that would invade his senses. If he closes his eyes for a second, he swears he'll lick his lips because he can still taste her. When he goes to his room, he can hear her genuinely laughing with his brother and it kills him.

He goes to the bathroom and punches his mirror, effectively shattering it into pieces. It's the third time in a week he has needed to replace it.

A minute later, he hears Stefan's knock on the door, and Damon rolls his eyes. He opens the door and puts on a smile.

"How can I help you, dearest brother?"

"We heard a loud noise…Is everything okay?" he asks warily, looking around the room. Nothing in the bedroom seems out of the ordinary, but with Stefan's sensitive hearing, he could tell the noise had come from the bathroom anyway.

"Wonderful! Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

"Well, is that all then?"

"There's blood on your hands," he comments, pointing at his hands. When Damon looks down and sees the blood on his knuckles, he doesn't bother to hide it. He just shrugs his shoulders.

"Punched a mirror," he says simply.

"What's going on? You've been acting weirder than usual," Stefan questions.

"Define usual for me," Damon smirks.

"You know what? Never mind. I'll leave you to your mirror smashing hobby," Stefan gives up. "Buh-bye." Damon waves and closes the door, before throwing himself onto the bed.

He hates his life. He's even more depressed now than when _the_ girl had been ignoring his existence. At least he didn't have to know she had moved on.

He overhears Stefan go back to his own room, and immediately after, Elena's voice shoots through his heart.

"Is he okay?" It's soft, but he can hear the worry and guilt in her voice.

"Just Damon being Damon," Stefan replies. He can almost see the shrug and roll of his eyes from here, but all he can hear is the ruffling of the bed sheets as they climb back into bed together.

It shouldn't be his brother's bed, but it is.

He stops himself before he can think that it should be his own bed.

When he starts to hear the sounds of kissing and the moans escaping from the back of her throat, he gets off his ass and slams the door on his way out, making sure that even a human could hear it.

Yeah. He _really_ hates his life.

* * *

A/N: This is kind of short, but this is going to set up the next few chapters. There will be a bunch of Delena in the following chapters; I promise! Reviews are love!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N1: Some of you guys really hate Elena right now, and with very good reason. I don't want to give too much away about where this story is headed, but all I will say is that Damon and Elena are definitely on a journey in this fic, for better or for worse. I hope you guys enjoy this chap...it continues from the last scene**

* * *

He's at the bar as soon as walks in. He orders a scotch, and he promises to himself that he won't think about her, but it's futile.

She was confused that night. He expected that. But he never expected her to completely ignore him for almost the entire week after. Elena was a take-charge kind of girl, someone who faced the problem head-on. The fact that she went to his brother without even the inkling to talk to him was a blow to his face. Sure, he's terrible at talking about feelings and what not, but _she_ isn't. She's the one always insisting that he turn on his human switch or whatnot.

He doesn't even care if she just says hello. At least it is _something_. He just doesn't understand how Elena Gilbert, someone usually so caring and altruistic, can be so insensitive.

He snaps out of his thoughts when his drink lands in front of him. He hears a high-pitched noise and looks over to the other end of the bar. He spots a group of tipsy twenty-something sorority girls pointing and giggling at him.

He mulls over it for about a millisecond. He wants Elena, but this will do.

He smirks and asks the bartender to send them all a drink, before getting up and sauntering his way over to them. His eyes never once leave their necks.

After all, Elena is having some fun with his brother. Why shouldn't he have some fun with a few sisters?

* * *

The next day, when he wakes up, he compels the sorority girls and kicks them out. When he stumbles down the stairs, he spots someone – Stefan he assumes – sitting at the kitchen counter.

"Morning," Damon mumbles somewhat incoherently

"Afternoon you mean," Stefan corrects, "It's three."

"Elena here?" Damon asks. He holds his head, trying to will away his splitting headache.

"Nope…she left last night. Said she wasn't feeling well or something. Why?"

Damon just shrugs, and tries to feel around for the refrigerator handle. His eyes are still half-shut, and Stefan shakes his head. He opens the door for him and grabs a blood bag. Damon takes the bag from his brother's hand and heads slowly back upstairs.

"You're welcome," Stefan calls out, before he disappears. Damon stays in bed for the rest of the afternoon, but he's out the door by nightfall.

* * *

Midnight munchies are always the worst. Especially when you're drunk.

He has two dead bodies on his hands. It shouldn't have happened, but he was too drunk and hungry to use compulsion at the time. He probably should have thought of that when the other girl started screaming her head off while he went to get a taste of her friend. Don't ask him why he didn't compel the two idiots beforehand; blame it on the alcohol.

But really. Who knew that the one girl was going to be so pathetically weak that she couldn't even handle _one_ sip? That she couldn't hold down blood when he tried to shove it down her throats? As for the other girl - the loud one, she deserved to have her neck snapped; she was just so damn irritating.

He groans when he realizes that he has to drag _both_ of the bodies around the woods, and all the lifting makes him sober up a little.

He sees a fairly soft spot near a willow tree and drags the bodies over, trying to make as little noise as possible. The girl with the snapped neck gets caught in a tree root, and he has to drop the other one to get her out. He makes a sound of disgust when a bunch of weevils start crawling up his hand. He's never going after underage girls again. He doesn't get laid _and_ he has to deal with bodies.

When he finally makes it to the willow, he remembers that he needs a shovel.

Well, fuck.

Maybe he should have dumped them in the water instead.

* * *

Stefan's practically waiting for him the next day. He doesn't even manage to get down the stairs before Stefan lashes into him a little before noon.

"What's wrong with you, Damon?"

"What are you talking about, Steffy?" He's not hungover today. Thank goodness. He would've never had the mental or physical capacity to think about burying those girls if he had been completely wasted yesterday.

"The drinking, the girls, the attacks? I know you killed those girls last night. It's all over the news," he berates, "I thought that things would get better in this town after Klaus died, not worse. Why are you trying to destroy it again?"

"It's fun. You should really give it a try," Damon smirks, quickly moving down the staircase.

"Damon, seriously." Stefan gives him a look – the one with all the deep-seated wrinkles on his forehead. For a minute, Damon considers letting it all out and telling his brother that he slept with his little innocent angel of a girlfriend right before she went to warm up his bed.

Stefan tilts his head expectantly, and he thinks it _would_ be pretty fun to see the damage he could create with just a few words, but he decides against it. It's partially because Damon doesn't want to stoop down to Elena's level, but it's also partially because he'd rather see Elena bear the brunt of the suffering. Stefan's been nothing but a saint, and Damon teases him endlessly about it, but he would never wish his brother pain and heartache. At least not right now.

"Seriously," Damon starts gravely, grabbing Stefan by the shoulders. Almost instantaneously, his frown turns into a full-blown, wicked smile and he continues, "I like alcohol and girls like me buying them alcohol and girls taste like fucking paradise compared to that stuff in hospitals." Stefan abruptly pulls away from a snickering Damon and throws his hands in the air.

"I don't know why I still even bother with you," he snarls, huffing as he retreats up the stairs.

Damon smiles a bit. He could now check off "Make Stefan angry" off his To-Do list for today.

Another thing that is on that list?

Get fucked up, get laid, and get fresh blood.

And yes, they were all considered one single item.

He puts on his leather jacket and black shades and grins.

He's asking for trouble tonight.

And he doesn't care.

* * *

Elena's waiting for Stefan at the boarding house when she sees Damon stagger in. Normally, she wouldn't think twice because he's been stirring her awake at four in the morning lately. He's always loudly crashing into his bed with what seems to be a whole entourage of girls or vomiting his liver out in his toilet. She knows that the sudden rise of "horrendous animal attacks" in the area isn't coincidental either.

Tonight, he smells like fruity vodka, cheap perfume and smoke. That raises her eyebrows in itself, considering Damon's aversion to skanky hookers who only order mixed drinks. But what worry her are the noticeable bloodstains on his collar. Damon was always risky and self-destructive, but he was never careless.

"How much did you drink?" she asks cautiously. It's the first time she actually _has_ to face him; she has nowhere else to go. She was trying to rid Damon out of her life because she knew it would not end well. So she doesn't want to care about him because it would ruin everything she was trying to do – avoid Damon, stabilize her relationship with Stefan, _not_ be Katherine…But seeing him like this, so fragile and tragic, she can't help it. Life seemed to have other plans for her.

"Teeny weeny bit," he says, waving his hands as if it were nothing.

"Damon…" He can barely stand up, his mouth is half open, and his clothes aren't even on straight.

"What are you doing here?" he slurs, as if it's the first time he's noticed her. He stumbles into the parlor, and she actually feels sick to her stomach at what she's done to him. She knows it's her fault he's been like this for the last week. Of course she knew Damon was in the room next to her and Stefan, but he had heard them when they were together a year ago. And she had heard him with _several_ girls in the past. She hadn't thought Damon Salvatore, a man who prided himself in getting all the girls and paraded them in front of her face, would be so devastated when she did it to him. She wasn't trying to be mean; she was trying to be normal and honest. And she honestly loves Stefan.

"You're wasted," she states, moving to help him. He bats her hands away.

"That's not an answer." She ignores him, avoiding the topic of Stefan for now.

"Come on. You should sit down." She puts her arm underneath him and tries to steer him to a chair in front of the fireplace. She is thankful that the blood on his shirt is dry.

"I don't need your help," he tells her. But his body doesn't quite feel the same way and he ends up swinging his body into Elena's side, leaning into her. Her body shudders involuntarily at the contact, reminding her of the way her body's curves fit against him a little over a week ago.

But she repeats to herself that it's just the effects of the alcohol that is controlling his body; that he doesn't even know it's _her_ half-carrying him to the chair. So when he tilts his head into her neck, she tells herself that she's not holding her breath at the sudden proximity of his lips but at the atrocious smell of alcohol and blood emanating from his entire body.

"Stop dragging your feet. We're almost there," she says, her face turned away from him. When they get close enough to the chair, she lets go of him and he collapses into it face-down, arms outstretched over the chair arms. She flips him over and when he's finally settled in, she straightens up.

"Hold still." She leaves him there and heads to the kitchen. She looks for some blood in the fridge but it seems they're out, so she grabs the water bottle on the adjacent shelf and heads back out to Damon. She kneels in front of the vampire, and shakes his knees lightly to make him alert again.

"Damon, drink this. It'll help." He shakes his head childishly and tries to avoid the bottle she's waving in front of his face.

"Stop being stubborn. Open your mouth," she demands, but he turns his head away. She lets out a noise of frustration and puts the bottle's opening to his mouth. He continues to keep his mouth shut. Irritated, she sets the bottle down and forcibly opens his mouth by squeezing his cheeks together before sticking the bottle between his parted lips. When she tilts the bottle slightly, he gurgles and begins to choke on it.

"You have to drink it down. I don't want you choking on your own vomit in an hour," she says seriously. While she tilts the bottle up at an even steeper angle, the water rushes into his mouth at a quicker rate and he's forced to swallow it down. Minutes pass and silence fills the room, as she watches him become more aware of his surroundings.

"You've been ignoring me," he murmurs suddenly. She pauses. She would rather have him drunk off his ass and have him slobbering all over himself than to have this conversation with him.

"You're the reason I'm like this and you know it," he goes on.

"Damon…" she begins, trying to find the right words to say. His eyes are still closed and even though he's still drunk, she knows that he's right and that he has every reason to be upset about that night and everything afterwards. She wants to tell him that she had run away from him that night because she had been scared. Of Klaus, of death, of them, of being Katherine, she still doesn't know.

"I wasn't thinking clearly…I thought I was going to die," she tries to explain instead. His eyes open abruptly, and even though his body seems lifeless, his eyes are still daggers in his drunken stupor.

"So the last thing you wanted to do before you died was to have your way with me and then throw me off a cliff. Well, mission accomplished. You can check off that box."

"You know it wasn't like that. We-we were caught up in that moment and we were angry and hurt and stubborn…God, you're always so stubborn-," she rambles, running a hand through her hair.

"Thanks for making me feel so much better," he rolls his eyes. She takes his hands tentatively and forces him to look at her. He stares back at her intently, and she can't help but shiver under his gaze.

"I didn't mean – I'm not trying to hurt you, Damon. You must know that."

"You have a really funny way of showing it," he snorts, pulling his hands away from her.

"We're friends. I care about you…But that's it," she reiterates. To herself or to Damon, she's not sure.

"Could've fooled me…Katherine," he spits out. She stays on the floor, motionless. The last time he had said it to her, she didn't believe him. This time, she can definitely understand where he's coming from, but she keeps telling herself over and over again that she's not Katherine. Katherine was cruel because she played with both of the brothers' hearts, not because she harshly shot one of them down. Elena thinks there is a big difference. At least, she hopes there is.

"Damon…just please. You're better than this," she motions at him vaguely, commenting on the tragic state he's in.

"Just because you keep saying it doesn't mean it's true."

"Just because you keep denying it doesn't make it any less true," she points out. She doesn't want to admit that he was only better because of her.

"Well it seems we're at odds again…Want to make everything okay by fucking me?"

"Don't be so crass," she reproaches. "And you know that's not why it happened exactly," she adds. She actually has no clue why it happened _exactly_, but she thinks her instinctual reply might've been a little too off-putting. Damon is already annoyed; she doesn't want a drunk _and_ angry Damon on her hands.

"No, I don't. Please, enlighten me, Elena. Why did that little rendezvous of ours happen?"

"I'm not getting into this with you right now. You're drunk; you probably won't remember this conversation tomorrow morning," she refuses.

"You ought to love that, considering how you seem to have forgotten everything that happened here a few nights ago."

"I'm with Stefan now," she sighs, "You have to forget that night ever happened. It's easier this way…for everyone. Okay, Damon?"

He doesn't reply, and when he doesn't say anything for the next several minutes, she thinks he might have fallen asleep or gone unconscious again. She punches his arm.

"Ow," he whines, startled at the action. She knows it doesn't hurt, so she repeats herself, "Okay, Damon? Nothing happened that night."

"Whatever," he shrugs.

When he keeps his eyes shut and doesn't say anything else, she gives up on him and gets up to leave him to his thoughts. She lets out a tiny gasp in surprise when she notices Stefan's shadow in the corridor.

"What happened that night?"

* * *

**A/N2: I might be MIA for the next 2-3 weeks because of spring break and my midterms (hence, the really quick update). Review to tide me over?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm back from break! I still have to deal with midterms, but whatever, lol. **THIS IS NOW AN M STORY.** There are no explicit scenes or anything, but the language gets a little bit rough in this chapter (Drunk Damon doesn't play clean.). I'm actually a little nervous about this chapter - I don't know if I build up Damon's anger in the first few chapters enough to warrant the intensity below, but I'm trying to move this more towards angst. Let me know how it goes. Gmail and FF . net have been screwed up lately, but I'll try to get back to you.

The first few lines are intended to refresh everyone's memory; this chapter is a continuation from last chapter.

* * *

When he keeps his eyes shut and doesn't say anything back, she gets up to leave him to his thoughts. She lets out a tiny gasp in surprise when she notices Stefan's shadow in the corridor.

"What happened that night?"

Stefan had come into the boarding house to see Elena and Damon near the end of a seemingly deep discussion.

"Stefan…" she trails off quietly, "Maybe we should go upstairs and talk." She looks nervously towards Damon. He doesn't seem like he's paying any attention to them, but Elena knows better.

"It's not like he can't hear perfectly fine down here," he shrugs, nodding towards Damon, "What were you two talking about?"

"It's a long story. You wouldn't want to hear about it," she explains.

"I have all the time in the world…literally," he reminds her. He grabs her hands gently, but she takes a sudden interest to the floor below her feet. She can't look him in the eyes, knowing that she's about to break him.

"It-it was a mistake," she stutters nervously. Stefan's whole demeanor changes instantaneously, and he knows that whatever she's about to admit to will be more than just a one-sided declaration of love or an innocent caress on the cheek. He drops her hands, and sticks them in his pockets.

"What was?" he pushes. Stefan doesn't know why he's such a glutton for punishment, but he needs to know the truth straight from her mouth.

"It was after Klaus came," she replies slowly. His body stiffens.

"Before or after we were together?" he questions, frowning. Stefan's eyes penetrate hers.

"Before, but I was upset and frantic – "

"Just tell me," he says impatiently, teeth clenched. She opens her mouth, only to let out a heavy sigh. She's stalling. When she can't manage to get anything out for the next minute, Damon finally decides to remind everyone of his presence and take everyone out of their drawn-out misery.

"We fucked. About two feet from where you're standing right now."

Before Elena can react, Stefan has Damon's throat pinned against the wall. Damon's head is drooping to the side and his body is lifelessly hanging underneath Stefan's grip. Elena's eyes drift to Damon's hand, and she sees that he's now holding an empty glass. She realizes that he must've gotten a drink when she was too bothered with Stefan to notice. She can't believe him.

"I hate long, awkward silences," Damon manages to get out, smirking at his brother in the process. Stefan responds by tightening his grip on his brother's neck. If Damon weren't so drunk out of his mind, he might have been able to turn the tables, but Damon is still _plastered_, and Stefan is still on human blood even after Klaus' death.

"Liar," Stefan growls, shoving Damon's head into the wall. Damon shuts his eyes tightly and groans at the acute pain now adding to the throbbing headache from the alcohol.

"Believe what you want. Ask her," he shrugs, tipping his head towards Elena. Both brothers turn to the fragile girl standing before them, but when Damon sees the fear and indecision in Elena's eyes and realizes that she won't say _anything_, something kicks in him. He suddenly has a change of heart and realizes that this is _exactly_ the time to have a little fun at her and his brother's expense. He's Damon Salvatore after all, and Damon Salvatore doesn't give a flying fuck about other people.

He throws them both a mischievous smile just before he can feel Elena's heartbeat increase tenfold and his brother's forehead sprout off one more wrinkle.

"Ask her to deny the fact that she was calling out my name _hours_ before she was calling out yours. Ask her to deny the fact that she was riding me right before she told you that you were the only one she wanted."

"Damon!" Elena shouts in alarm at the complete 180. Stefan falters, disbelief rising in him.

"Come on, baby brother. You couldn't smell me on her? You couldn't smell _us_ when you came back here?" he challenges. Stefan's fangs and blood vessels are now faintly visible and anger towards his brother and the love of his life is mounting in his chest, but he restrains himself. Stefan doesn't want to believe it, and anything coming out of a drunken Damon's mouth is speculative at best.

"Shut up, Damon!" Elena yells. At this, Stefan stops and throws a devastated glance at Elena. The realization that she isn't denying the heavy claims hits him full-force, and he loosens his grip on Damon. He's now overcome with rage, hurt and indecision as he takes a few steps back. Damon just straightens his posture and smirks; he's winning the battle, and he knows it.

"You didn't notice how flushed and disheveled she was when she came to you?" Damon goes on, now trying to purposely tear Elena down just like she did to him a few days ago. He's so far gone that he doesn't care anymore.

Stefan stays quiet, slowly moving away from Damon, while Elena rushes closer to the older brother in an attempt to control the situation. She doesn't even care that Stefan is watching closely; she just wants to stop the bleeding. "You didn't notice how worn out she was even before you undressed her, how swollen _both_ of her lips were, how wet she was for you even though you barely touched her," he taunts.

"Stop!" she cries in horror at his crudeness and at the honesty of his words. She's in front of him now, only about a foot away from him. Tears are now running freely down her cheeks, and she wants to push him, smack him, punch him – anything to get Damon to just stop talking. She grabs his shoulders gently and her eyes beg him to stop hurting everyone, including himself.

"Please," she pleads softly. But it's too late for it. He stares at his brother over Elena's shoulder and sneers at him.

"Seriously, brother. You can't smell her _now_?" That earns him a hard slap across the face from Elena, and then a swift kick much further below, but Damon isn't surprised or upset. He recovers quickly and actually grins wickedly before bursting into laughter.

"What? Want to give Stefan a _show_? Isn't this violent act of yours how it started last time?" Elena gasps in disgust and immediately moves away from him. She can't even feel sorry for him at this point. She blinks back her tears; he's not worth them. Not when he's like _this_ at least.

"What, Elena? Can't handle the truth?" he mocks.

"You're a certified asshole, you know that?"

"Yeah, I've never heard that one before," he scoffs, rolling his eyes dramatically for effect.

"And you're the one who can't handle the truth!" she snaps back. "I'm with Stefan. I don't want you," she says, emphasizing each and every syllable.

"Really? 'Cause less than a week ago, I'm pretty sure that all I heard you moaning was quite the opposite," he grins.

"God, Damon…it was one night! One stupid, _stupid_ night!"

"I think you mean awesome night if I do say so myself. I mean the way your body fell into mine, the way your tongue did that little swirly –"

"Will you fucking stop?"

"Ooh. Someone's got a dirty mouth," he smirks. She returns it with a scowl.

"You're drunk, Damon."

"So? At least I'm not a whore."

Silence passes over them. Elena's chest is heaving and her hands are tightly fisted, while Damon is just leaning backwards slightly against the wall, a lazy smile of satisfaction gracing his lips.

"Why are you saying these things?" she asks quietly at last.

"Payback's a bitch, Elena."

"I never did-"

"Don't you fucking tell me you didn't do anything," he says heatedly, turning the tables on her and shifting the conversation. He sticks his finger in her face to make his point. "You slammed the door in my face. You ran away. You went back to my brother." Elena's stomach drops, and her eyes are welling up again. She absolutely hates what he does to her. Deep down, she hates herself for what she's been doing to him for years now.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to lead you on, Damon." She's quiet now. The guilt and confusion that were once lurking beneath her anger are starting to build up again.

"You know how much it meant to me." It comes out angrily, but she sees the openness and hurt in his eyes. She shakes the feeling in the pit of her stomach, the erratic beating of her heart. She knows she's been following in the footsteps of Katherine for some time now, intertwining herself with both brothers, but there's still one more thing that can be done to ensure that she doesn't actually _become_ her. She can end it once and for all. Swiftly and resolutely.

"Damon," Elena begins, firmly gripping his shoulders. "You need to understand that it was a mistake._ We_ were a mistake." Elena tries to say it as gentle as possible to curb any doubt, but to Damon, it's a stake to his heart. His eyes turn icy in an instant and his body grows rigid.

"Goodbye, Elena."

"Damon, I – " she starts, grabbing his arm as he goes to turn.

"Goodbye, Elena," he repeats, shrugging her arm off.

"Please, Damon. Just listen-"

"Elena," Stefan interrupts. His calm, yet demanding voice fills the room, and all eyes turn to him in surprise at his presence. "I think you should go," Stefan says firmly.

"Stefan, wait…" she starts, as the realization of what's happening hits her.

"I've been denying this thing between you two for over a year now, but I had turned a blind eye because I trusted the two of you. I'm not sure what will happen now, but I know that I can't tell you to stay the night."

She looks at him with her wide eyes and all she can see is apathy, something she had never really seen in Stefan before. Looking into Stefan's eyes and then to Damon's lifeless body heading to his chair, it is the first time she can actually see the similarities in the two brothers. She turns back to Stefan.

"Stefan, please," she pleads.

"The door is over there, Elena. I'm sure you can see your way out," he continues, pointing towards the entryway. He blinks once and turns his back to her, waiting for her to go. Elena lingers for a minute, trying desperately to salvage anything left of her relationship with either of the two brothers, but she can tell when she's not wanted.

When Stefan hears the lock click softly, he looks to Damon, half-conscious and very much worn-out, on the chair and still drowning in his own misery.

"Are you sobering up? Do you feel like another round?" Stefan asks, walking towards his brother. Damon just nods numbly, sinking further into the seat as Stefan takes the glass from his brother's hand to fill it up.

* * *

**A/N2: Do you feel like joining the brothers in drinking away their misery yet? Leave a review**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: So sorry for the long delay. Also, I wanted to split this up – you'll get Elena's reactions next chapter. In light of the upcoming Stefan and Damon fight, here's a prelude…**

* * *

The next morning, both brothers are still downstairs in front of the fireplace, not having moved since the night before. They wake up almost simultaneously, trying to deal with the aftereffects of the alcohol. It's Stefan who tentatively opens his eyes first. Stefan spent the night drinking away his sorrows with his brother, not because he wasn't mad at his brother, but because he thought that they both needed the company. There was a certain level of desperation and resignation that united the two of them last night.

"Hmmphh…" Stefan groans, "I don't know how you do this all the time."

Damon doesn't open his eyes when he replies, "Practice, brother."

Stefan looks at Damon and opens his mouth before hesitating.

Stefan can handle a kiss between them. He can forgive Elena for a kiss; a kiss could've been a _mistake_. But you can't kiss a guy, undress him, wrap yourself around him and call out his name in a successive order by accident. He doesn't believe that sex can be an accident, at least not when both parties are completely sober. You can't just run off and deny it ever happened. Deliberately hiding it afterwards would mean it was more than a mistake. That was an entire process, both physically and mentally. So for that, he can't see himself forgiving Elena right now. Damon was his brother, and she _knew_ what going to him meant in the grand scheme of things.

But it was different with Damon. Stefan knew about Damon's feelings. He probably had known it before Damon knew it himself. Damon never denied them, whereas Elena would constantly reassure him that nothing would ever happen because he was the only one. They weren't together technically at the time, and it's not like he's stupid. Stefan knew that once he was out of the picture, Damon would jump at the chance to be with Elena – brother's ex or not.

What he doesn't understand is why Damon didn't throw it in his face. There was never a 'Bro Code' – genetic or otherwise – with them obviously, and it wasn't like Damon never tried to rile him up whenever Elena was the topic at hand.

So yes, Stefan was angry at Damon. But not for sleeping with Elena; Stefan was much angrier at Elena for sleeping with Damon. Stefan was angry about the fact that Damon never told him about it, and consequently making him believe that his recent reconciliation with Elena was genuine. Despite the bad blood between them, they were always pretty honest with each other.

"You might as well ask me whatever you're thinking," Damon interrupts Stefan's train of thought. Stefan pauses, but he knows exactly what he wants to say.

"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice is even with no sign of malicious intent, so Damon takes the bait.

"Didn't think it was my place to tell you," he replied slowly.

"You didn't think I had the right to know you slept with Elena?"

"I think you had a right to know…just not from me."

"So you decided that you could dictate who I should hear it from?" Stefan raises his voice. Damon narrows his eyes at him. Stefan knows he's not afraid of him, but Stefan thinks he should be. Human blood – _Elena's_ blood – is strong. He doubts his brother and Elena shared any blood. Stefan shudders just thinking about his brother and his girlfriend – at least for now – exchanging something so intimate. However, even if she did give him a taste, Damon would've washed it all down with alcohol by now.

Besides, he's not completely pathetic like his brother right now.

For once, Stefan has the upper hand.

"Are you seriously blaming me for not telling you?"

"For god's sakes, Damon. I'm your brother. And she's my girlfriend!"

"Not at that moment," Damon smirks. Stefan stops a moment and he has to hand it to Damon. Even if Damon has been sulking with his tail between his legs for the past week, he is still willing to put up a fight. Stefan thinks it is quite entertaining; he gives his brother an amused smile.

And the smirk on Damon's face disappears instantly.

"Maybe not at that moment, but your skills in the bedroom must not have been up to par if she came back to me," Stefan taunts. Stefan thought he was going to just talk to him, but something inside of him riles him up and he can't help but push Damon over the edge. When it comes to Elena, it is always so easy.

"She obviously went back to you because she felt guilty. Besides, we wouldn't be discussing this issue if you could keep her satisfied in the first place," Damon snarls, immediately straightening up his posture. Damon knows when he's being attacked, and his defensive mode has always been an offensive one.

"You know, for a self-proclaimed ladies man, you sure know how to drive them away," Stefan goes on, looking at his fingernails indifferently. Damon just rolls his eyes.

"For someone oh so loving and sensitive and perfect, you sure know how to drive them into my arms."

"Oh Damon, I had no idea you felt that way about me," Stefan sighs dreamily, obviously mocking him.

"Now you're asking for it," Damon growls, tackling his brother. The chair flips over, but when Damon sorts himself out, he sees Stefan standing on the other side of the room with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Is that all you got?"

Both brothers bare their fangs and charge at one another simultaneously. They attack each other full-on, trading punches, kicks and barbs.

"How does it feel knowing she betrayed you? All those times she told you she would always love you?"

"How does it feel to be second string? An afterthought? Again." They grapple at each other's shoulders, trying to get an advantage.

"Oh trust me. I've been the only thing on her mind since that night. She was using you to get over me."

"Hmm…she must be a great actress then, considering she was just with me yesterday morning when you were still out on your drunken exploits god knows where." Damon gets the upper hand and throws Stefan across the room, crashing him into a pile of books. Stefan gets up easily and dusts himself off. His nose is bleeding now, but he's ready for him. He stretches his neck a bit before advancing on his brother.

"So this is how it's gonna be, huh?"

"It's how it's always been," Damon says without hesitation, "Besides, we haven't had a good fight in ages." Damon flashes quickly behind Stefan to get him in a chokehold. Stefan struggles to fight him off and his attempts to elbow him in the gut or kick him from behind are futile. Damon's grip on Stefan's neck doesn't loosen one bit.

"This thing with Elena…I knew it had to end in bloodshed sometime," Damon comments.

Stefan drags him across the room, and turns around suddenly, whipping him into the wall. Damon groans at the contact. Stefan slams Damon into the wall repeatedly, getting him to release his grip on Stefan's throat.

"It'll be your blood mostly," Stefan threatens, as he rubs his neck. Before Damon can respond, Stefan's arms are around his body, and he tosses Damon's body into the whiskey set. The decanter and tumblers fall to the floor and shatter into a million pieces as the alcohol slowly spreads across the floor. Damon groans and rolls around on the floor. When he opens his eyes and realizes what's happened, he pulls turns back to his brother.

"Fuck, Stefan! Leave the whiskey out of this," he yells, pulling himself off the ground slowly. Damon's entire body is now bleeding because of the glass shards, but he doesn't care.

"You should've left Elena alone then," Stefan retorts, on the attack again.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Elena came to me. She wanted me." Damon meets Stefan's attack, but he's obviously slower than before. When Damon aims for Stefan's nose, Stefan quickly averts his fist, and Stefan punches him in the stomach.

"Yes, cause ignoring you for the past week really showed how much she wants you."

"Actually, that's quite a theory you've got there…" Damon says thoughtfully, as he starts choking up blood. Damon takes a jab in his face, as he connects his right hand with Stefan's jaw.

"Well by all means, if that what makes you sleep at night…"

"Why yes, now that I know how she feels inside of me, it does make me sleep at night. Quite well actually. I'm often _so_ tired," Damon offers a grin. Damon pushes him backwards to the wall, but it's not as forceful this time around.

"Are you sure that's not the alcohol?"

When Stefan executes the perfect uppercut to Damon's jaw, Damon looks disoriented for a bit. Damon sinks to the floor with a large thud.

Stefan hovers over him and just stares at him. His face is a complete mess - his nose and lip are bleeding profusely and there are several lacerations across his forehead and chin. His shirt and his knuckles are covered in both of the brothers' blood. Stefan raises his fist one last time, but Damon stares back at him defiantly, edging Stefan on.

In a matter of seconds, the fight is over.

The house is a disaster. Chairs are overturned, jagged shards from remnants of alcohol-related glassware are strewn about and blood is all over the hardwood floor.

Stefan has withdrawn his fist, and he pushes himself off of Damon.

"What are you doing? Goddamn. Fuck you. Get back here." Damon wipes the blood off his lip with the back of his hand, and he seems reenergized.

"I let you off, and this is what you say to me?"

"You make me look like shit. Punch me; I deserve it." Damon lifts his head up slightly.

"What?" Stefan actually laughs at him for a brief moment. He thinks sober Damon is less coherent than drunk Damon sometimes. "Look, I don't want to kick you while you're down. I think we both know who won this fight."

"Are you kidding me? Stop taking the high road. It's not over till it's over." Damon tries to kick him from the floor, but Stefan has him pinned to the ground. Stefan just snorts in response.

"You look like crap, Damon. Just admit you lost this time."

"You look like shit, too."

"I threw you into a bunch of glass," Stefan points out. Damon gets up and stumbles towards Stefan. Stefan places his hands on his shoulders to halt him.

"It's not worth it, Damon."

"It is. That's exactly why you need to punch me again. Honestly, I'll feel better if you just do this all at once. Just hit me."

"You're insane," Stefan waves off, "Sit down. It's the headache talking. Everyone knows you can't function before sunset." Stefan steers Damon to his beloved leather chair.

"You're no fun at all."

"Yeah, but you knew that already," he replies, taking the seat across from him.

They're back to where they started this morning. With all of the anger and frustration and animosity out of the way, Stefan finally thinks he can have a real conversation with his brother now.

"How did it happen?" Stefan asks, a minute later. He doesn't bother waiting for Damon to pick out all of the glass out of his skin. Damon's eyes widen, and his intense gaze lands on Stefan.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Damon manages. The look on Damon's face is completely different from a few seconds ago. Stefan shrugs, but his tone is eerily cool and collected.

"No…but I need to."

"I've been a shitty brother," Damon says genuinely, sitting up, "You never deserved any of this." He runs a hand through his matted hair before continuing. "But you do deserve to know the truth now," Damon sighs.

And so Stefan listens to his brother as he tries to mend their fragile relationship that had once been built on the mutual love for a woman…again.

He doesn't know if it'll work, but Stefan has nothing but time.

* * *

**A/N2: So are you rooting for more Team Salvatore in this fic or do you want some nicer Delena action?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N1: I'm honestly surprised that a bunch of you guys wanted nicer Delena action (How are you still reading this fic? Haven't I tortured you enough, lol). I will say that for me personally, I was on Team Salvatore, at least for this fic, but the response has made me reconsider my ending. I had planned out two different endings a while back, so we'll see how this goes. Your opinions and reviews do matter :)**

**This is probably lighter and more filler-ish than my previous chapters.**

* * *

Stefan's waiting for him when he gets home.

He never thought he'd say this, but he actually wants Elena with Stefan right now. Not only does Stefan pester him to no end about his drinking now, he actually makes the girls he brings home feel guilty. It really messes up his mojo, and the worst part is that he doesn't think Stefan actually knows what he's doing. He's _that_ much of a cockblocker.

"Whatever this thing with Elena was…she's not worth it," Stefan starts, taking the liquor bottle out of his hand. The girl in his arm looks between the two of them, and Damon motions her towards the parlor. She obediently leaves the two brothers alone.

"Do you mind at all? And stop the pity party," Damon says, rolling his eyes.

"Damon," Stefan starts, shaking his head. "She was lying to us…using us."

"You don't think I know that?" he snaps. Stefan immediately feels bad for him. He puts a hand on Damon's shoulder, but he brushes it off.

"Don't make the same mistake twice," Stefan warned.

"And which mistake would you be referring to?"

"Don't let Elena be another Katherine…I saw you turn your life upside down because a woman didn't return your love once. I don't want to see that with Elena."

"Why the sudden concern, brother? Are you trying to keep her to yourself?" Damon asks. "You must love this. I mean, first Katherine chooses you and now Elena? You must love how women always seem to pick you." Stefan scoffs and rolls his eyes at the accusation.

"Stop kidding yourself, Damon. This isn't a contest."

"Not one that you'll win anyway," Damon says good-humoredly, his tone changing in an instant.

"I thought we came to an understanding yesterday," he sighs.

"We hashed out some feelings. I never told you anything else," he pointed out.

"Whatever…I know we've had our share of differences, but trust me when I say that you're just asking for trouble."

Damon waves him off and doesn't respond, while Stefan just sighs again and turns to leave him to his thoughts.

Damon hasn't truly placed his trust in Stefan in over a hundred years, and he's not sure if he's entirely ready to start now.

But then again, he's not willing to put his faith in Elena right now either.

He puts the liquor bottle down and tells whatsername to leave.

Because now he can't get his mind off of Elena.

* * *

Elena knocks on Bonnie's front door and waits patiently outside.

"Come on in, Elena," Bonnie greets, "What's up? You sounded kind of worried over the phone," she goes on, stepping aside.

"Yeah, what's with the impromptu girl's night in?" Caroline asks, coming over to give her a hug.

"I just felt like a mani-pedi today," Elena forces a tight smile. Caroline and Bonnie exchange doubtful looks briefly, but they don't push her.

"I think you're right. We all need a time-out," Bonnie says slowly. Despite Caroline's overly-cheery façade, Bonnie has a suspicion that Caroline took Matt's death pretty hard as well. They weren't together at the time, but losing someone as close as they had been at one point is never easy.

"Come on. Let's go upstairs," Caroline suggests, leading the way. When they're all in Bonnie's room, sitting cross-legged on the bed, Elena can't keep it in.

"I slept with Damon," Elena blurts out.

"What?" Bonnie stutters.

"I knew it!" Caroline exclaims at the exact same time.

"What? How did you know?" Elena asks.

"You can just tell when a woman's been with Damon," she states matter-of-factly.

"Aren't you with Stefan?" Bonnie demands, wide-eyed.

"It happened before I was with Stefan."

"And you're just telling us now?" Caroline tsks.

"Look guys…it's not exactly something I'm proud of. I mean, we were angry when it happened. We weren't thinking."

"Angry sex is always the best kind. Especially with Damon."

"Caroline!" Bonnie reprimands.

"What? Just because he's a jerk doesn't mean he isn't good in the sack. I'm sure Elena knows what I'm talking about." Caroline nudges her in the stomach with an elbow.

"I try not to think about it," Elena says slowly. Caroline gives her a look of disbelief, one that says, _How could you not?_

"Stop it Caroline. It's obvious that Elena doesn't want to go into detail." Elena bites her lip as Bonnie and Caroline wait for her to continue.

"I tried to put it behind me," Elena started, "But Damon didn't feel the same way apparently."

"He loves you, you know," Bonnie says suddenly.

"I know," Elena whispers quietly.

"You'd be pretty dense not to know," Caroline rolls her eyes. Silence fills the room, as all three girls try to take in the situation.

"I've been ignoring him for the past week…" Elena admits, "I thought we would get past it that way. You know, we could go back to being friends if he knew that it was just a mistake in the heat of the moment."

"Instead it blew up in your face?" Caroline offered. Both Bonnie and Elena give her a look. "What? Obviously, she wouldn't be telling us a week later if something didn't happen," Caroline points out.

"You're still holding a grudge about not telling you sooner, aren't you?"

"Uhh, yeah." Elena sighs but goes on with her story.

"Anyway, Stefan found us talking yesterday night. Damon came home trashed and I was trying to help him out, but he insisted on talking about it…about us," Elena continues, trying to ignore her friends' looks, "I told Damon to forget about it. Neither of us was in our right mind."

"I don't understand…You weren't drugged or drunk, were you?" Caroline wrinkles her eyebrows.

"We would've never done what we did under normal circumstances," Elena staunchly says.

"Are you sure?" Bonnie asks doubtfully.

"Yes. I'm positive," Elena says annoyed. "I would never do that to Stefan. I love him, and even though we were on a break, they have a rocky past because of a doppelganger who looks exactly like me," Elena begins. "I wouldn't do that to either of them," she corrects herself.

"Okay, okay. Fine." Caroline raised her hands in surrender. Caroline isn't going to put up a fight if Elena insists on lying to herself.

"What happened then?" Bonnie questions, moving on.

"Then there was a little fighting words and Stefan kicked me out of the house. You guys, I think I screwed up everything big time. They were so angry with me yesterday. I mean, I thought Stefan and I could get through this – that since it was a mistake he would know why I hid it from him, but he was even angrier than Damon."

"Look Elena, I'm still your best friend, but even I can't tell you that what you did was right. I understand why they're so upset," Bonnie reasons.

"I understand why they're upset. I just don't know how to fix it."

"I'm not sure if this is something you can fix," Caroline says slowly.

"But I have to," Elena pleads, "I can't lose them both."

"The Klaus danger is gone now. Maybe you should choose," Bonnie advises.

"Don't Bonnie."

"Don't what? I didn't even say anything you don't already know…or at least considered."

"I won't choose. If I choose Stefan, Damon won't be able to look at me the same way. I'll lose his trust, his friendship. I can't have him go back to who he used to be. And if I choose Damon, Stefan won't even talk to me probably. I'll lose the one person who I've ever loved. I mean, we've never been friends really and he'll probably never get over the fact that I chose his older brother."

"You're going down Katherine's road," Bonnie warns sagely.

"No," Elena denies. "Katherine knew who she wanted. She just decided to play with Damon's heart just for the thrill of it."

"Are you saying that you don't know who you want? Are – Are you in love with Damon?" Caroline asks wide-eyed.

"No. I told you that I love Stefan."

"Then why don't you choose him?" Caroline asks. "It seems like you don't care about Damon as much," she says, shrugging her shoulders. There's an innocent tone in Caroline's voice, but Elena knows better and purses her lips.

"It should be an easy decision," Caroline continues, "Choose who you can't live without. Choose who you have stronger feelings for." At Elena's hesitation, both of her friends part their mouths in surprise at her inability to speak – or lie – this time.

"I have strong feelings for both of them," Elena sighs at last. "But I _know_ that I love Stefan."

"So whatever you're feeling with Damon is just as strong as your love for Stefan," Bonnie sums up.

"But it's not love," Caroline adds quickly.

"Stop trying to gang up on me! It's different, okay?"

"We're not ganging up on you. We're just trying to understand what you're feeling," Bonnie comforts in a soothing voice.

"All I'm saying…I'm saying that I don't know how to go forward without getting anyone hurt. I've told Damon several times about how I feel, but he seems to think that night changed things between us."

"Did it?" Bonnie asks. There is another long silence.

"Can I tell you two something?" Elena asks softly.

"Of course," Bonnie nods. Caroline nods reassuringly as well.

"I was thinking about Damon when I was with Stefan one night."

"Oh my god, Elena. That's not good."

"Thanks Captain Obvious," Bonnie rolls her eyes.

"I heard Damon in the other room and I don't know what came over me…and Damon heard us together. The worst part was that I was thinking about Damon the entire time and I'm pretty sure he assumed I was thinking about Stefan," she admits.

"What did Damon do?"

"He left. Upset. Justifiably," Elena responds. She pauses for a few minutes. "The se-…being together with Damon…was so different. I could feel everything he – I – both of us were feeling – the passion and intensity were like literally tangible in the room. I've never felt that way before – not even with Stefan."

"Think about what you're saying," Bonnie cautions.

"Stefan's amazing too, but with Damon…I dunno…" Elena finishes lamely.

"With Damon what?" Caroline presses.

"The physical attraction was definitely there. The sexual tension was definitely there with Damon…something that was never there with Stefan. And I know this sounds stupid, but nothing changed in how I looked at Damon after that night, but physically, everything changed in how my body reacted to him. Every movement, touch, and breath – they were all magnified tenfold. I mean, the tension was always there with Damon, but nothing like now."

Elena looks to her friends for advice. Caroline wants to tell her she's had sex with Damon but she didn't have such strong reactions or feelings after they did the deed – that there must be something else besides physical attraction. Instead, Bonnie's voice of reason responds to Elena.

"Maybe – and I know I should be the last person giving you advice on Stefan, let alone Damon –but maybe you should take some time for yourself. You know, give them some space," Bonnie offers.

"But-" Elena interjects. She doesn't know if she can completely avoid either of them in such a small town, and she doesn't think she has the willpower to leave them alone if she did see them by chance anyway.

"It could work in your favor. They could cool down, and you could talk to them when they're not as angry," Caroline agrees.

"But what if they hate me by then?" Elena observes.

"Just for a few days. Then once you've figured everything it all out – with the help of us of course – you can talk to them reasonably and calmly," Caroline replies.

"We can guard her at school," Bonnie says to Caroline.

"And we can have more sleepovers," Caroline nods enthusiastically. "I have a whole new set of nail polish colors that are perfect for the summer."

"Thanks guys. I really needed this," Elena half-smiles, sidestepping their suggestion. She picks out a bright blue nail polish, and the conversation ends abruptly.

Elena is thankful that they don't continue to grill her for more information about what happened or how she feels.

Because honestly, the conversation has made her completely confused about everything.

Who knew that her biggest problems would come after Klaus was dead?

* * *

**A/N2: Okay, now I PROMISE to have some kind of Damon and Elena interaction next chapter :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating in an unforgivable amount of time. Thanks for all everyone's patience. This chapter was on my laptop for quite some time actually because there was something bugging me in this chapter, but I feel comfortable enough with it now. Damon's still understandably angry and Elena's always in denial, so it's not exactly the nicer Delena some of you guys wanted, but they'll get there…sometime. You guys have already endured a lot of pain and suffering for these two…what's a little more? ;)**

* * *

Elena's sitting on the grass with her legs outstretched in front of her. She is taking some time alone to think about everything – like her friends told her to – and basking in the sun.

She has decided to forget about the contradictory feelings that Caroline and Bonnie conjured up.

She knows what her friends were trying to force it out of her. So yes, "conjured up" – as in completely fabricated – were exactly the right words.

Because she certainly didn't love Damon. Not in that way anyway.

They were friends. That's it.

She isn't denying what she said to her best friends about the fact that she has strong feelings for Damon, but it's nothing romantic. It's not like her feelings for Stefan – feelings she's so sure of that she would risk her life over it. She can't actually say what love is, but she can't imagine the feelings that she has for Stefan isn't love.

So now, she's at the point where she's asking herself why she can't choose Stefan – something that really irked her when Caroline brought it up.

She has a list in her head ranging from the fact that she's just too nice of a person to it's just some supernatural curse for Petrova doppelgangers to be forever trapped between two vastly different brothers.

But down at the very bottom of the list – in the very back of her mind – is the simplest answer. It's the thought that she really does love Damon.

That her friends have been right all along and that the feeling of wanting to kiss him again isn't just the result of a physical desire.

And it scares the hell out of her that she can't just cross it off.

She decides to sleep on it for a while, because it's driving her crazy and she's starting to get a headache. A few seconds later though, she hears the distinct sound of footsteps approaching and she turns to see both brothers, equipped with fishing gear – yes, fishing gear – in their arms.

Just her luck.

She knew it would happen. She knew she couldn't avoid them forever. She just didn't think she would have to deal both of them at once.

Her head hurts again just thinking about it, but she gets up and brushes off her jeans anyway.

Her body moves towards them despite all logic – and her friends' warnings – and greets them.

Stefan presses his lips together when he hears her approach. Damon groans when he hears her speak.

"Hey. Wh-what are you guys doing out here?" she starts tentatively.

"It's nice out. We're fishing," Stefan says politely. Elena's heart soars at his reply because even though it's short, at least she knows that he's not completely livid with her.

"Since when did you two fish?" She says it easily, as if it's meant to be a conversation starter.

Damon snorts. "We've lived for over a hundred and fifty years. There are a lot of things you don't know about us." Elena winces a little. Too bad Damon is still mad.

"Oh. Okay." She hesitates, but she doesn't move.

"Sorry, Elena. We only have two poles…you have to find another one that you haven't used."

Elena's eyes widen at his insinuation, and she looks to Stefan to perhaps, jump in or defend her. He doesn't and Stefan's eyes are actually gleaming in amusement. She scrunches up her eyebrows and there's an internal debate in her head.

She should have listened to her friends when they said to avoid them at all costs. Everything she's done lately has just come to bite her in the ass.

"Well…I'll see you two around then," she sighs, turning to leave. She heads back to her car because there's no use trying to share the waters with the two of them. Maybe she can't stay away, but at least she has always been able to leave when they tell her. That's got to be something, right?

* * *

"I'm proud of you," Stefan smiles at him, patting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"For what?"

"For coming out with me. For showing Elena that we're still brothers and that she can't come between us like that."

"We're just fishing," Damon replies, shrugging his shoulders

"Maybe…but we haven't fished together in a really long time." Damon has to admit that this is kind of nice – this bonding thing. They haven't hung out with each other just for the sake of hanging out with each other since…well, he's not exactly sure when, but it's been a long time, definitely before Elena came into their lives. And considering Elena was the reason for their bonding, everything seems to have come full-circle.

"You're such a sentimental. What? You gonna tell me you love me now?" he teases.

"I love you, Damon," Stefan coos, just to piss him off.

"Knock it off!" Damon gives him a hard shove, sending Stefan stumbling backwards several feet away. Stefan takes it all in jest.

"Why won't you say it back to me?" Stefan goes on, altering his voice a little to make it whinier.

"I swear, I'm going to throw you in the water when we get out there," he mumbles.

"You asked for it," Stefan laughs.

"When do you ever do the things I ask?"

"Now that we're spending some quality time together."

"Just give me the tackle box," Damon huffs. He lets himself smile a little when Stefan's not looking.

* * *

Damon is staring disgustedly at the bottom of his shoe as Elena watches several feet away. He mumbles something to himself when he notices her, but she ignores it.

"What the hell do you want?" he snaps, as she approaches.

"I just wanted to talk, Damon." She's calm, and she honestly wants to work things out.

"Go talk to someone else and leave me alone."

"Damon, please listen to me."

"Well, this day couldn't get any worse. What do you want?" Damon sighs, "Make it quick." Elena smiles and sits down next to him on the bench.

"I know I screwed up."

"You're damn right you did."

"I want to make things right with you…with everyone," she continues.

"Too late." He's still angry, but she keeps pushing.

"I didn't mean to hurt you.

"I'm not hurt," he denies. Elena bites her lip and stares at him silently for what seems to be an eternity.

"I told you it was going to be Stefan. It's always going to be him. I thought you understood," she says.

And that's the last straw.

"You said that months ago, Elena! How do I know you haven't changed your mind? That we haven't changed since then? That what happened between us didn't make it so fucking ridiculous and impossible that we'd actually want the same thing?" he snaps.

"Because I can't be with you Damon."

"Because you don't want to be with me or because you don't want to be Katherine?"

And suddenly, the tone shifts and her stomach drops. She wants to go back to the vulgar comments and back-and-forth yelling of the past couple of weeks now more than ever. She should be mad as hell at him for his accusation, but her hesitation is an answer in itself. She's starting to think that Caroline and Bonnie are right. And she's _really_ starting to think that she and Katherine have more in common than just looks.

"Please, Damon. What do I have to do to make it up to you? You're still my friend."

"Sorry. The feeling's not mutual, Elena. You know I've _never _thought of you as just a friend."

Elena looks around nervously, unsure of what to say. There was a time she just thought he was messing around with her because he loved messing around with Stefan. And then she thought they understood each other – that they cared about each other because of a mutual interest in Stefan. But everything she thought she knew was starting to fly out the window.

She snaps her head up from the ground and figures that she must have been in her own world because she sees him impatiently waiting for an answer.

"Just give me another chance to make it up to you."

"You had your chance. You had _days_ to make it up to me. Instead, you go back to my brother and I have to find out from him that you two are shacking up again. Yes, that was such a welcoming surprise."

"You have it all wrong, Damon." She pauses and she decides to leave some details out about the night. "I didn't just get back together with Stefan because we slept together. I went to Stefan because being with you made me realize how much Stefan means to me, how much I don't want to break you two apart." He frowns and she instantly wants to take those words back.

"That makes it so much better. I think we're done here," he says resolutely, pursing his lips.

"That's not – " she begins, before being interrupted. He makes a noise of disgust.

"Not what you meant?" he finishes for her. She eagerly nods her head in agreement. "It seems that's happening a lot lately…You didn't think you were breaking us apart by sleeping with me? Are you delusional? You know what? Nevermind. You're worse than Katherine. At least Katherine was a manipulative bitch because she was running away from Klaus. You don't even know what you're doing to everyone, and that's just pathetic."

She's stunned by his harsh words but he continues on with his rant. "You Petrova women think you're all strong and tough? Well, newsflash. You just manipulate people. You're only strong and tough when you use other people's love for you and put them down. Where would you be without us?"

Before she can respond, he gets off the bench to leave. When he's a few feet away from her, he stops but doesn't turn around to look at her.

"You told me to be a better man, and I tried," he says in a low voice.

"You _did_ become a better man, Damon," she says, getting up instinctually to reassure him. Tears are streaming down her cheeks now, and there was a time when Damon would run over to catch them falling into his hands as he told her in his most soothing voice that it was going to be okay.

Damon looks into her deep brown eyes and he actually begins to feel sorry for her. He doesn't understand how she can be so clueless, and the pity for her that starts to fill his unbeating heart is actually because he doesn't think she understands what she did.

But it isn't okay. Damon Salvatore doesn't pity people, and certainly not Elena. Not after what she did to him…to the both of them.

"My brother and I both became better men for you…because of you," Damon corrects slowly, "Too bad you weren't a better woman."

And just like that, he takes off into the night, before she can get a chance to stop him.

* * *

**A/N2: Yeah, I'm evil. Thanks for reading, and reviews are always appreciated :)**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: There are a few lines that sort of expand? (don't know if that's really the right word) on the scene in season one about Elena telling Damon that they have something (and she says "an understanding"). It's referenced here in the story, and that part is inspired by the season 1 scene. 

* * *

The next time she sees Damon, he's at the bar of the Mystic Grill with a glass in hand.

"Since when did you come here on a Tuesday afternoon?" She's quiet, unsure of how to approach him.

"Ugh. You again?" he groans.

"Hi Damon."

"Do you ever just stop? I don't know, just pause for a second and think, 'Hey, maybe I've done enough damage and I should leave people alone when it's obvious they don't want to be bothered?'"

"Not when it's worth fighting for. And what we have – what we had," she corrects, "- is worth fighting for." Damon just stares straight ahead so she goes on. "Do you mind if I…" she asks, motioning to the stool next to him. He just shrugs and sighs loudly to make his displeasure clear.

"It's a free country, I guess." It's progress, she thinks. He's not rejecting her outright after all. Maybe she's worn him down. She's done a lot of thinking and a lot of writing, and she's finally ready to face the facts. She has feelings for Damon. She was just too stubborn to admit it. She just hopes now that he's willing to listen.

"You're still mad," she says matter-of-factly.

"What gave you that idea?" He doesn't seem angry, but his comment doesn't make her any more at ease, so she doesn't move and continues to stand awkwardly at the table.

"I'm sorry." It's barely above a whisper, and he swears that if he weren't a vampire, he wouldn't be able to hear it. Damon tries not to look at her.

"No, really," she says earnestly.

"Sorry for what? Sorry for sleeping with me, or sorry that everyone found out about it?"

"Neither…sorry for being such a horrible person. That night…" she breathes, "That night was wrong for so many reasons."

"You're not helping your case."

"Let me finish, Damon," she starts softly, "At least hear me out. I feel like I've been practicing this speech forever and I always end up screwing it up before you let me finish." He frowns but doesn't say anything else. When she finally goes to sit down next to him, he doesn't object.

"I've thought about it a lot. That wasn't how it was supposed to be…our first time," she explains slowly. She's finally ready to face the facts that she has feelings for Damon. That she had them long before that fateful night. Now she just needs to tell him.

"It wasn't supposed to be all rough and violent. So…emotionless."

"It wasn't." Elena's heart almost breaks at his words, and she realizes just how much damage she has inflicted on Damon. She just hopes that her obliviousness doesn't ruin him and whatever's left of their relationship.

"We weren't supposed to be dealing with dumb curses and ancient vampires. Matt wasn't supposed to be dead and everyone wasn't supposed to be fighting Klaus without me. It wasn't supposed to happen when everything around us was falling apart."

"Why not? Maybe it was exactly how everything was supposed to happen. Nothing ever happens the way you plan it after all. You, out of all people, should know that by now."

"Because it wouldn't be about us. It would be about you mad at someone and me angry about something, and about us coming together because we needed each other at the moment."

"Is that so bad? Needing each other?"

"No," she admits honestly. "But I've needed you for quite some time now, Damon." If her admission is a surprise to him, he doesn't show it.

"Well, it happened, so now you have to face the music."

"I know, and I think I'm finally ready to. But I want to first say that I'm not Katherine," Elena starts. "I'm not psychotic and I'm not just using anyone I come into contact with to further my own agenda."

"I know you're not a murderous vampire bitch," he sighs begrudgingly. "I probably shouldn't have said that," he goes on, retracting his previous statement. She thinks he's actually being sincere and that this conversation could be heading in the right direction.

"I probably deserved it. Damon…you know I care about you so much."

"You care about me?" he asks, the words rolling off his tongue with distaste.

"More than care," Elena admits. Damon raises an eyebrow at the relative quickness of her response, but she pushes through. She doesn't want him to think that all this time he was wrong about the two of them. And she's tired of completely lying to herself. So she takes a deep breath and tries to calm her nerves.

"I think I have feelings for you, Damon," she says shakily, biting her lip. "I know I have feelings for you," she repeats, a little quieter but more resolute at the same time.

As she sits next to him in silence for lord knows how long, she begins to wonder if honesty is really the best policy. Because right now, she's feeling nauseous and sick and she certainly isn't feeling any better.

* * *

Damon stops swirling the rum in his glass and just sits there a little dumbfounded. He's kind of too stunned at her words to reply because he honestly thought that she would never admit she had any feelings for him…at least not now considering everything that's happened recently.

"I don't know when it happened, but it did and I can't just ignore it anymore. There was…is something going on between us." There's another long pause, and by now, Elena must be wondering if she's in a conversation with herself.

"Say something," she urges.

"What do you want me to say?" It comes out a little more roughly than he intends. Because he had loved her and she had basically torn him apart. He had tried so hard to forget about her…tried to tell himself that she didn't matter. He thought it had worked, but now he doesn't know what to think, let alone say.

"I don't know. Nothing, maybe…nevermind." She shakes her head nervously. "I love Stefan, though and that I know without a doubt."

"That's your big speech?" he asks in disbelief, his demeanor changing instantly. "It always revolves around Stefan, doesn't it? Why can't it be about us?"

"Because Stefan is part of this too!" she replies defensively, her tone meeting his. "No matter how much you don't want him to be, he'll always be there in the background. Stefan and I have a history and you two are brothers. He's going to be in this conversation."

"So how's it working out between you and Stefan?"

"I-I haven't talked to him," she replies, taken aback at his question.

"Convenient," Damon snorts.

"It's not like that. Damon…I'm worried about you. I want to fix things with you first."

"So now you're worried? It's not because he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore? Because he won't listen to all your desperate voicemails?"

"I want to fix things with you first," she reiterates firmly. "You're the one I'm constantly seeking out," she points out.

"Why? Why is it so important that you have to salvage us? You're the one who screwed everything up. Live with the consequences and let it be."

"I know and I can't. I mean, I don't want to. I want things to be back to normal again," she pleads.

"Normal is going back to denying everything between us. And we are so far past that now. You can't just pretend nothing happened. That's not how life works," he says spitefully.

"I'm not telling you to forget about it, Damon!" she raises her voice, "I'm telling you that I do have feelings for you and that I'd like to figure out what's going on between us. But that can't happen unless we stop with all this repetitive nonsense and actually start talking to each other again."

"So you want to go back to us being so-called friends while it's rainbows and puppies with Stefan. I'm always going to be second to him, right? Stefan will always be your number one choice."

"No-"

"Then, you want both of us to dote on you for the rest of our lives?" he cuts her off. "Just wait it out while you keep stringing us along trying to decide which one you like better?"

That's not what I'm saying _at all_," Elena practically yells, glaring heatedly. "I'm trying to have an open conversation with you, but you're not letting me!" She pauses a second and realizes how childish that sounds and that maybe she _has_ been the problem the entire time. This conversation is getting a little too out of control for her liking anyway, so she retreats a little and takes a breath.

"Sorry."

"I'm used to it by now," he scoffs.

"You bring out this…this fire in me. I think-I think that's kind of why I like you, Damon. You make me feel alive and passionate. You push me when I don't want to be pushed and you tell me like it is."

"I sense a 'but' coming up."

"But Stefan…He's my first love and we've gone through so much."

"He's familiar," Damon rewords.

"No. He's sweet and caring. I trust him and he respects me –"

"You don't think I respect you? You don't trust me?"

"Of course I do, Damon. It's just…" she sighs heavily. "It's different with the both of you. There have been so many times that I want you, but I just need Stefan, and there have been just as many times when I want Stefan but I really need you." She looks away from him briefly as she continues.

"I-I get butterflies when Stefan looks at me," she says with a far-away look. "When you look at me, I just become a pool of liquid. So I know that we have…something," she admits, turning back to face him. She pauses before going on. "Something deeper than friendship and something deeper than just a bond. But I can't exactly say that it's love."

"I could," he tells her, staring into her eyes. And it's not a lie. He _could_ tell her that he loved her all those months and years leading up to this. All those looks he gave her were for her and her alone. It was absolutely love on his part.

He just can't tell her that he feels the same way now. Not after the way she's treated him.

"I know," she says, before correcting herself. "I've _known_. But I don't want to lead you on or anything because I know what Stefan and I have is love. I just need to figure out what you mean to me."

There's another silence.

"Figured it out yet?" he asks fairly good-humoredly.

"No." She rolls her eyes in response. And it makes everything feel normal – _right_. Even if for only a moment. "But in the meantime, I never meant to do any of this to you, and I'd really like to be friends again. I'm not saying it so I can just test the waters and toy around with you and Stefan until I make a decision. I really just miss having you around. So will you forgive me, Damon?"

"No." It comes out a lot easier than he anticipated, but he had been practicing his response to this exact question for days now.

Elena's mouth parts in shock and confusion and all she manages is a quiet "Oh" as she hastily gets up to leave. "I-uh. I guess I've been wasting your time then."

But Damon's always been some sort of masochist, and his mouth starts moving before his brain can stop it.

"Elena…" he stops her. Elena turns around quickly and Damon stares into her big brown eyes. The eyes that used to unravel him so quickly and effortlessly. There's a look in her eyes that is innocent and genuine, and he can't help but see someone who really cares about him.

He gets up off his barstool to close the gap between them and when he immediately hears a change in her heartbeat, he knows she's lying to herself and everyone around her.

Because she's in love with him. He can see it in her eyes. It's the same look he had been giving her all these years. And there's something so satisfying about it. That she's finally - _finally - _reciprocating the same feelings.

But that still doesn't make everything okay.

"You don't deserve it. And I'm not sure you'll ever earn it." He turns his body after he sees her instantly deflate, but his brain still seems to be malfunctioning and he continues talking.

"But-," he stops her in her tracks again. She turns around questioningly. "If you can come to terms with your feelings for me, I need you to let me know. It's not fair to me or to Stefan."

"I know," she nods. She smiles a little bit as she leaves and Damon wonders if he's getting her hopes up. He shakes off the thought in the back of his mind that in reality, he just might be getting his own hopes up. 

* * *

A/N2: The ending is in sight! And I can't emphasize how much I appreciate everyone's patience and anyone who's still reading. Seriously, you guys are awesome.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** So yeah…I'm a terrible person. I'm extremely sorry for the delay. This is the final chapter. I wrote some of this about 1-2 years ago, but I was never really satisfied with it. I'm posting this now because I just felt so shitty and guilty for leaving this incomplete. Thanks for sticking around and all the encouraging words. Really big thanks to Kat, for pushing me to finish this, and just for being awesome at reviewing everything I write.

* * *

"I had a chat with Elena this afternoon," Stefan starts. Damon raises an eyebrow at this.

"Did you now? I thought you were giving her the silent treatment."

"I was. But the silent treatment tends to imply that you're still angry at the person."

"And you're not angry at Elena?"

"It just seems pointless now to put effort into ignoring her or being angry at her. I mean, it's been a couple of weeks now."

"So you guys are friends again?"

"No. I mean… I don't know if we can be friends again. At least so soon," Stefan sighs. "I loved her…That was what made it so devastating when I heard about you two."

"I probably shouldn't have-"

"It's alright. You know, I partially blame myself," Stefan admits. "I knew you and Elena were close. I knew you loved her. I knew she had feelings for you. So I wasn't completely blindsided by the admission that you two had acted on those feelings once Elena and me had broken up."

"But you still took it badly," Damon says.

"Yes, but what hurt was that she didn't tell me she was with you…that she came to me when she thought she had made a mistake," Stefan replies. "I could understand it if she had owned up to it. I don't understand why she had to deny it…deny you," Stefan emphasizes the last two words.

"What's done is done. Let's just move on."

There is a long pause, and Damon starts to get up to leave when his brother interrupts his movements.

"She wants to be with you," Stefan says suddenly.

"What are you talking about?"

"We talked about you," Stefan says. Damon doesn't look too pleased about this. "And she didn't say it, but she wants to be with you."

"That's just it. She doesn't say _anything_. You'd still be her first choice," Damon spits out.

"She made love to you and then she came to me. _I_ was already her second choice a while ago. It's clear to me that her feelings have changed. Sometime after our break-up, we grew apart and we weren't the same. You were there for her when I couldn't be."

"Exactly. She wouldn't feel anything for me if we didn't have to pretend that you were done with her."

"No, Damon. Let's not beat around the bush. She always felt something for you. She was just able to act on those feelings once I was off with Klaus."

"Did she approach you?" Damon asks, annoyed, ignoring Stefan's remark.

"She wanted to ask about you," Stefan tries to assuage. "She's worried about you. She cares about you."

"She's got a funny way of showing it," Damon mumbles.

"She loves you," Stefan sighs.

"She loves you," Damon retorts.

"Not now. Not in the way I want her to…" Stefan admits, shaking his head. Stefan takes in a deep breath, and Damon feels a twinge of sympathy for him.

"You know," Stefan starts, "I think I'll always love her."

Damon stares at him hesitantly, slightly uncomfortable during Stefan's pause.

"But now everything between us seems like such a long time ago. It's like I fell in love with a different person."

"Tell me about it," Damon rolls his eyes, changing the mood almost instantly.

"It's funny. I think we fell in love with different sides of Elena. I thought I had fallen in love with this simple, naïve girl, just trying to find some sense of normalcy after her parents' death. You fell in love with this intensely loyal, headstrong girl, always willing to fight for everyone else but never for herself," Stefan observes.

"You know what's even more hilarious? That we both thought Elena was the exact opposite of Katherine when we first met her," Damon scoffs.

"Elena's no longer the girl I saved from the bridge. She's grown up and I helped her through a tough time, but maybe that's all I supposed to do," Stefan sighs.

"What are you trying to say?"

"That she's still the girl you fell in love with," Stefan starts slowly. "She was always that girl, even before her parents' death. Despite what happened a couple of weeks ago…she's still loyal and headstrong. That's probably why she's in this mess. She felt like she was betraying me."

"Are you serious right now Stefan?" Damon asks in disbelief. "Are you defending her? Telling me to forgive Elena? When you're not even going to attempt to be friends with her?"

"I'm not saying you should do anything. And I never said I was not going to _ever_ be friends with her," Stefan denies. "But you've done some pretty awful things yourself."

"Oh, so now we're gonna examine my flaws?" Damon cuts him off, visibly upset.

"We both have benefitted from second chances, Damon," Stefan says calmly. "Maybe…maybe Elena should get one, too? Eventually?"

Damon just stares at his brother with his eyebrows knit together.

"We were just talking with Katherine a couple of weeks ago," Stefan points out when Damon doesn't say anything.

"We had to use her," Damon responds slowly, "We needed her help with Klaus."

"You were obsessed with her once. You would go cross-country to find her. And do you remember when she told you the truth that she didn't love you?" Stefan asks. He pauses and Stefan can practically see Damon replay the events following Katherine's devastating rejection. "Maybe we aren't friends with Katherine per say, but we can certainly tolerate her and have a conversation with her. Maybe you haven't forgiven her, but you haven't shut her out of your life. You gave her a chance. I'm asking you to give Elena another chance. For your sake."

There's another long silence and Damon looks pensive, as if he is genuinely considering his words.

"Look Damon, I told her that she should talk to you. Tell you how she really feels. If the two of you want to be together, I'm not going to stand in your way this time. As confusing and painful as this whole situation is for me, I can tell that her heart isn't with me anymore. I know that she brings out the best in you and if the two of you could just stop making everything so difficult, I think you two could be good together. Besides, there's been enough pain and animosity among the three of us. Maybe it's about time we all just start anew."

* * *

When Damon hears the front door open slowly, he knows that it's Elena coming to talk to him.

A few moments later, when he sees her kneel down in front of him, with a regretful and pained look etched over her features, he doesn't have to ask to know that she's finally ready to listen.

And when he gives an almost imperceptible nod, she doesn't have to say anything to understand that he's ready to give her a chance.

"What do you want to say to me?" Elena starts. He smiles a bit and looks away from her, immediately knowing that this conversation will be different. Regardless of what happens, it's not about her. It's not about how sorry she is, or how she can fix everything.

This talk isn't going to resolve everything, but she's going to make sure that it's not going to harm their already fragile relationship either.

"What you did to me…to both me and my brother…" He breaks off his statement and purses his lips slightly as he drums his fingers lightly on the rim of his glass. "You wrote me off like I was a mistake. And then you basically stabbed me in the chest, twisted the knife a few times and drove it in even deeper. I know why you're here, and my answer is still no. I can forgive…but I can't forget. Not yet at least."

"I know I made some mistakes, but I thought maybe we could try to make it work between us. I love you, Damon, and as much as I try to will it away, I can't. You asked me to think about what my feelings were for you and I have. I've been doing that for weeks now. You're all I think about. Not Stefan. You," Elena confesses.

"I can't have you thinking that we could "maybe" work though," he tells her.

"I just don't want to promise you anything," Elena explains.

"You mean you don't want to promise me you won't think about Stefan from time to time?"

"No," Elena says firmly. "I mean I don't want you to think I'm perfect, that what we have will be perfect. I don't want to promise you forever."

"I never asked for forever, Elena. It was always about today, tonight, right now."

"But that meant tomorrow, next month, next year. Damon, I couldn't – I can't do that to you. You say you don't want forever, but you want a lifetime with me. I'm-I'm not ready for that."

"I know." Damon looks down at the liquor in his tumbler. "I think I've known for a while now. You'll never be ready for me. You'll never be ready for us. Ready for something that takes you by surprise, sweeps you off your feet and holds your breath hostage in mid-air."

"That's not-" Elena starts.

"You went back to Stefan. Even before tonight, you went to talk to him about me. He'll always be your first love. He'll always be the person you turn to," he goes on, his voice breaking. She practically sees his heart twisting at the thought. "I can't change that no matter what I do. I thought that we could be something great…that your love for Stefan could change." A brief moment of anger flashes in his steely eyes before it disappears. "But it didn't," he finishes flatly.

"We can be something great, Damon," Elena insists, taking his hands. "I don't know when it happened, but I fell for you. I love you, Damon, and I know you love me, too," Elena says softer now. "I know I messed up, but it shouldn't be complicated. We don't have to make this so complicated."

"Love…it isn't enough. _My_ love isn't enough. Not when it will always be him for you. I need to accept that."

"You don't need to. Because it's not Stefan," Elena stresses. "It hasn't been Stefan for a while now. Things change, Damon. People change. And you and me…we've changed."

"Please don't-"

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll walk away," she cuts him off this time. "I'll walk away right now. I won't bother you ever again."

"Elena…"

"You can't, Damon. I know you can't," she pleads. She feels like she's on the verge of hysteria, and even though she told herself that she wouldn't let her emotions get the best of her tonight, things never seem to work out the way she plans whenever it involves Damon. She waits for his response because she needs to hear his explanation. She needs to hear him say that he doesn't love her. In some ways, it would make everything so much easier.

"Elena, I do love you," he begins slowly. He looks her in the eye and she sees something in him that she can't quite put her finger on. It's something halfway between honesty and heartbreak.

It suddenly hits her.

"This was never about Stefan, was it?" she asks quietly. There's a drawn-out pause.

"No," he admits honestly.

"Tell me," she nudges gently. "Help me understand." She looks at him, patiently waiting for an answer.

"Love can be blinding at first," Damon begins slowly. "You see what you want to see, _who_ you want to see. It becomes an obsession. And it fucking hurts because you just want it so badly. You'd do anything to have it, to make it work. You want them to feel what you feel." Elena bites her lip knowing that his statement is a reflection of his own feelings…of their own relationship.

"But then the blinds come off and it hurts even more because sometimes that means seeing the person you love love someone else. Because you want them to be happy. You'd give anything to make them happy," Damon admits. She looks away from him with a mixture of guilt and sadness knowing that she is the one who caused all of this pain and anguish.

"But a person can only tolerate so much. You just get so tired of dealing with the pain," he goes on. He pauses for a second to let it sink in for her. "I'll risk my life for you…but I won't go through that pain and misery again just to be with you anymore," he sighs. "Sometimes, you have to know when the time is right to step back. This is one of those times."

Elena sits there silently, resigned. "You're not going to change your mind, are you?" Elena sighs.

"No," Damon states, shaking his head. He brings himself closer to the edge of his seat and looks her straight in the eye with honesty and gentleness. "It doesn't mean I'll feel like this forever, but I just can't be with you right now."

"I _know_ you don't really want this."

"What I want is different from what I need," he says. "I thought I needed you…that I needed us-"

"_I_ need you, Damon," Elena reassures.

"I don't." It's unexpected and abrasive and curt, and it stabs her right in the chest. "Not now," he adds softly. He pauses and he looks torn. She doesn't know if it's because he regrets the first part or the second.

"You told me once that I deserved love, and I didn't believe you at the time. But I think I do now and I deserve better than what you've put me through. You took advantage of me. Of my love for you. You can't just pretend that it doesn't all add up."

His words hit her hard, and after what seems like the tenth time he reiterates it, she finally sees it. It finally gets through to her that this isn't about sleeping with his brother, the only family he has left. It isn't about her going back to the one person who has been with Damon his entire life through thick and thin.

Damon didn't want her because of who she had become. What she had put him through after all these years. It was _her_ that was the problem.

_You can't just pretend that it doesn't all add up. _Elena closes her eyes as her surroundings blur from the tears forming up in her eyes. So much time passed with her thinking that both brothers would always be there for her. And it is with this realization that she finds herself fully understanding why she was being rejected. She did this to him. She did this to them. She was selfish for so long. Never giving; always taking.

She wasn't – isn't – good enough.

"I can't. I'm sorry, Elena." He looks at her with weary eyes, but she can tell it's just as painful for him to say it as it is for her to hear it.

Minutes pass without a word between them, and Damon twitches a bit uncomfortably, unsure if he should leave her to her own thoughts.

"You're right," she sighs audibly, finding her voice at last. She takes his hands into her own and gazes into his eyes. There's a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes, and for a brief moment, she wonders if he wants to change his mind. But it's gone almost instantly and she can't read him again. It's in this little action that she understands why he needs to do this for himself. Why he needs to do this for them. She doesn't want uncertainty between them. She doesn't want him to tip-toe around his emotions in front of her. She doesn't want him to put on some mask to please her. She doesn't want him to be afraid of feeling _anything_. She wants _all_ of Damon.

And it's because of this that she knows that she's about to say the right thing. Do the right thing.

"You don't deserve what I've put you through or what I've done to you. You _do_ deserve better. You deserve someone better than me." She smiles weakly, and bows her head down. "In time, I know you'll find someone better."

She accepts his rejection at last as she gets up and turns towards the door. Just as she grasps the doorknob, she turns back slowly to him. He doesn't turn around to see her eyes start to fill with tears again, but he can _feel_ her shaking just the same.

"I'll be better," she whispers.

He doesn't have to look back to know that it's a promise.

* * *

**A/N2:** I hope this wasn't too much of a disappointment given how long it's taken to get to this point. I had originally ended this on a much, much crueler note, but I decided against it. Time away from this made me gain some perspective and made me less "anti-Elena," if you will. There was just too much love there for Damon or Elena to give up on their the idea of them so easily IMO. But there was also too much pain to let everything slide in just a few weeks time. I know some of you wanted to see the outright happy ending, but I can assure you that this was my idea of a happy ending for them. Let me know if you disagree or your thoughts on the ending or whatever. Again, thanks to everyone who read this or reviewed this. The response from you guys have been overwhelming! I really hope you all enjoyed this :)

As for my activity here, I actually stopped watching TVD a couple of seasons ago and I don't think I'll be going back to it anymore quite honestly. So I don't believe I'll be posting anything TVD-related anymore. Can't say for sure, but it's very unlikely. So farewell TVD fandom. You guys have been so welcoming, supportive and all-around awesome. I can't stress this enough. Thank you.


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